Create Your Own Christmas

There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.

Epictetus

That's about it isn't it, that's the core of this thing called Stoicism. Separate the events in your life into two distinct areas, those in your control and those out of your control. It sounds so simple, but how often do we get lost in that distinction. Here are the holidays, Christmas is almost upon us, and the big issue is our expectations of how things should be rather than how they are. We even distort the past to paint the present in a certain way. There were those wonderful Christmases we had so long ago that will never be again. Maybe so... I tend to think we color them in two ways, both of them wrong. Either they were these bright, happy days with family and friends and fat gooses (does anyone eat a goose nowadays?), or they were these sad days because the family was apart, the goose was gone, and, perhaps, we were alone. We tend to romanticize both versions: it was never really as good or as bad as we remember. (Note: I am just thinking about normal bad times here, not those times that end up being a Netflix series or drive new legislation.) 

Never mind all the issues around the commercialization of Christmas, the buy, buy as the path to happiness. What gets me is the selling of the emotional side, the way it has of making people feel worse on December 25th even if everything is perfectly fine. We expect the rosy cheeked kids opening presents in front of a glowing fireplace while the white, cardigan clad grandparents sit watching. I like the "Trailer Park Boys" image better: Wouldn't we all rather be home getting stoned and drunk with our families. It all comes down to expectations... We can't create that Norman Rockwell scene that has been so oversold and puts everyone into debt both financially and, more importantly, emotionally. But, we can take advantage of a few days off from work and the opportunity to get stoned and drunk with our families and friends.

The important thing is that, regardless of our circumstances, we do have our will to find happiness (contentment, might be the better word), by doing something other than feeling sorry for ourselves. Don't allow that fantasy to slip in of how things are supposed to be, they are the way they are which is a gift.  We can use our will to share what we have and spend time with others that might not be our families. There are people that would rather hide for the entire holiday because they have this fantasy of how it should be. Maybe you won't be with the rich grandparents showering you with gifts (would anyone care for a Lexus?), or be the rich grandparents doing the showering. But, remember, you have something to give. Find someone to share a moment with. If you are sitting alone thinking of other times or imagining something that never was, you need to explore that with every ounce of Stoicism at your disposal. If there is anytime of year that requires a philosophy, it's this week from Christmas to New Year.

Regardless, I am hoping things go on sale on Tuesday! I need some new boots. Be well.