Interacting with Our Tormentors

It's so easy to allow our emotions to get the better of us. We tend to put ourselves at the center of all of the activity around us whether we are involved or not. We respond to traffic as if it was a personal affront (at least I do); we participate in some vast process that started before we entered and will continue after we are gone, but still we somehow take responsibility for anything that goes wrong; we encounter people we don't know, and will likely never meet again, but we give them huge pieces of our time and energy. Stop it! Again, this isn't about you. We need to learn to see the reality of situations. As Marcus Aurelius said:

Begin the morning by saying to thyself, I shall meet with the busy-body, the ungrateful, arrogant, deceitful, envious, unsocial. All these things happen to them by reason of their ignorance of what is good and evil. But I who have seen the nature of the good that it is beautiful, and of the bad that it is ugly, and the nature of him who does wrong, that it is akin to me, not only of the same blood or seed, but that it participates in the same intelligence and the same portion of the divinity, I can neither be injured by any of them, for no one can fix on me what is ugly, nor can I be angry with my kinsman, nor hate him, For we are made for co-operation, like feet, like hands, like eyelids, like the rows of the upper and lower teeth. To act against one another then is contrary to nature; and it is acting against one another to be vexed and to turn away.

Marcus Aurelius

Meditations

Indeed. We need to accept that the world is full of perceived obstacles, but they only become so as far as we allow them. To achieve the freedom I want via the study of Stoicism, I have to see the truth of the fact that it's not about me, I am not in the thoughts of others, but am only a victim of their actions as long as I allow myself to be so.

It's Me

"It's not you, it's me."

The profoundness of this simple statement stuns me because generally speaking it is me. It's my perception of a situation that is the problem rather than the situation itself.

The other day I interjected myself into a meeting because I knew one of the attendees. I went in during the introductions and said hello and asked how it was going. They didn't pay much of any attention to me, and initially I allowed my ego to jump in. I walked away thinking, what a jerk, he hardly said hello and barely looked at me. I walked down the hall mumbling to myself and feeling badly in an overly dramatic way. But then I stopped and realized everything was in my head. It was me, not him. What response did I expect arriving at the start of a meeting to say hello to someone that wasn't expecting me? We apply our interpretation to every interaction and I suspect we are generally wrong. It's not about us.

I recently started working for a new organization where I am likely the least important person on the team. I am the person everyone is thinking the least about. Nobody is thinking about what they can do to advance my career or position me for a powerful position on the team. I am there to deliver a small piece of work and nothing more. The business isn't there to ensure I have a good time and pay my bills. In the end, whatever happens there is on me and anything that happens will be based upon what I deliver.

Stoicism says that we need to strive to understand what is under our control and what is out of our control and then to apply our energy to the former. If we apply our energy to what we can't control, we are wasting our lives. If we walk around expecting something from the world, we will be disappointed more times than not. If we work on those things actually within our power, and apply our will, we can achieve much. Be well.

Ramblings - August 2016

In sorting through various writings of mine, I came across the following. In reading them, I can see I was pretending to be philosophical with the hope I might become so. As with many things in life, our desire often precedes our ability and this may be the secret to achieving much. When our desire and our will are joined in the pursuit of something worthy, much can be attained. (It is the judgement of the worthiness of our goals that requires philosophy.) As someone once said: Fake it 'til you make it. Or perhaps even better: We often become that which we pretend to be. For now, I am pretending to be philosophical.

Ramblings:

A man should measure his wealth not by how much he owns, but by how little he owes. Too often our possessions include a tax that takes more time than we have.

A man should not measure his worth by that which can be bought and sold but by that thing that will die with him: his will. Our wills are all that separate us from others. Why did X not achieve Y? Because X lacked the will to take the necessary steps. (Note: And then, once that will is harnessed in the conquering of a thousand bad habits there is the task of guiding it towards something worthy. Once we subdue all that holds us back, there is that perhaps larger issue of the pointing of our will towards a worthy target.) 

All that we are is that which we take into the bath. We are only that which exists within us: will, truth, honesty, hope, love, kindness, generosity, etc. We are not things or achievements, but only that which is a part of our internal makeup. Find that and you will find who you are.

We are all given the gift of will which drives how we perceive the world and how we will decide to direct our energy. Control your judgement of the world as you participate and direct your actions in such a way that they are moving towards the attainment of a worthwhile goal.

A practicing Stoic must hold two thoughts simultaneously until he is able to hold only one. We are like two people in one body. One part of us contains the ability to think, reason, and apply our will to the accomplishment of something worthy of our efforts. And our other part that must be pressed into service, controlled, made to cooperate, but is always resistant. The Stoic must come to control his will and reasoning power to guide this other half that seems to have control over his actions. We are divided into that part that wishes to do the right thing and that part that would rather neglect what is required to achieve a worthy goal. Our will battles daily with laziness and the unending pursuit of meaningless entertainments. How much news about Donald Trump do you really need? Find a man that has accomplished much, and you will find a man that has harnessed his will. There is the me that knows what must be done, and the me that does not wish to do what must be done. My strength is on the side of my laziness. The Stoic's job is to break this duality of character, defeat his laziness, and harness his will.

The Cost of Pleasure

When you imagine some pleasure, beware that it does not carry you away, like other imaginations. Wait a while, and give yourself pause. Next remember two things: how long you will enjoy the pleasure, and also how long you will afterwards repent and revile yourself. And set on the other side the joy and self-satisfaction you will feel if you refrain.

The Manual of Epictetus

Painting by Ragnar Kjartansson

For every pleasure, there is a price to pay. This is not to say that pleasure is bad, but that it doesn't exist in isolation. If you need proof, take a look at your liver and your bank account. 

I can't remember where I read this, but it crosses my mind often: What is future me going to think of current me? What is current me doing to help ensure future me has an easier time of it? This can be a close connection or a distant one. What will tomorrow me think of today me drinking 12 drinks and spending the rent money? What will tomorrow me think of today me not saving a dime while I had work and health? When we are young, we don't think of that older us that will own the production, or of production, of our youth. What am I doing today to take care of that future me that does not yet exist but will know me, will have pictures of me. Will I look back with regret or love? The most dramatic example of this is the old man in jail for a crime committed by his younger self, that younger self that no longer exists. The old man has perhaps even forgotten who he once was, but is holding the bill of the younger man when it should have been a check. While we definitely want to live today, we have to make sure we are thinking of that person we will be tomorrow and in twenty years. Have that conversation with future you that wishes young you had sacrificed a few pleasures , studied more, worked harder, and, yes, set aside a bit of loot for the coming storm. Be well.  

Relating to the World

If then I identify myself with my will, then and only then shall I be a friend and son and father in the true sense. For this will be my interest--to guard my character for good faith, honor, forbearance, self-control, and service to others, to maintain my relations with others. But if I separate myself from what is noble, then Epicurus' statement is confirmed, which declares that 'there is no such thing as the noble or at best it is but the creature of opinion.'

Discourses of Epictetus

Book II, Chapter XXII

If we put our interests in anything outside of our own will, it becomes difficult to be an honorable person. Epictetus, in reading the full chapter from which the above quote came, speaks of life and death circumstances that reveal a person's character. There is the son that strikes down the father to become king or the child imagining a parent's death so they can gain their fortune. In our daily lives we are, I suspect, faced with less significant choices that draw from the same desire to get something. We take credit for a piece of work we didn't do so we can gain an advantage with the boss. There is the relative that pushes their advantage in the dividing of an estate based upon a technicality rather than on doing the obviously right thing. Or it could be as simple as the person that takes the extra slice of pizza knowing they have already had their share. If we put our desire on filling our belly, seeking greater wealth or esteem from others, we will set our honor, dignity, integrity aside to gain that thing that holds our interest. If we see that our most valuable thing is our will and our judgement we will do the right thing and be capable of being a true friend, coworker, partner, and parent.

I love the quote, which I can't attribute right now: when in doubt, do what's right. When confronted with a choice between two courses of action related to our relations with others, we know the right thing to do. Start doing it and you will strengthen that muscle that knows right from wrong. This plays out in the most subtle things as well as the grand. Is there an opportunity to be generous? Take it. Is there an opportunity to be truthful? Take it. Is there an opportunity to be honorable? Take it. Be well.

Dignity

Dignity: the quality or state of being worthy, honored, or esteemed.

Merriam-Webster

In all our actions, we should have our dignity in mind. The definition above points outward as in dignity is something bestowed upon us by others, but from the Stoic perspective dignity is something we maintain regardless of the opinion of others; it is a part of us as a human being but it is something we must maintain. 

Today, in the Washington Post, there was a piece by Jonathan Capehart that quoted Arthur Brooks, president of the American Enterprise Institute. Brooks is quoted as saying “Donald Trump was talking to people in the parts of America that have been truly forgotten and left behind now for generations in a way that was inherent.” Brooks added, "It helped people understand that he understood that they should have a sense of dignity, too." The article stated that these people have lost their dignity based upon society abandoning them. Because they don’t have decent jobs, have been neglected by the world, and that they now lack dignity or are in no position to maintain it. But, isn’t it possible to have no dignity while also having a great job, while being well educated, and having the full attention of the world? Dignity is something that comes from within the person regardless of their lot in life. We present our dignity based upon who we are. Not to say a job doesn't help, but it's not what gives a person dignity. Every human being has dignity and it's for them to lose.

Stoicism teaches that dignity is something we claim for ourselves without requiring the opinion of others. The person living in one of those neglected areas can maintain their dignity by continuing to be honest, diligent, ethical, and virtuous. Dignity is something we maintain under all circumstances and is independent of our individual situation. A great example of that type of person is James Stockdale who was a prisoner of war during the Vietnam War. He maintained his dignity, his honor under horrible circumstances. When we maintain our dignity, we may receive honor or esteem, but we maintain it without any expectations. The very act of being dignified is the act of being worthy, honored and esteemed by oneself. The Stoic stands outside of the opinion of others and maintains his virtuous course. In thinking of this, Donald Trump, holding the most powerful position in the world, lacks dignity. Those abandoned people can maintain their dignity and Donald Trump can discover it. As I heard many years ago: How can you be so poor that you can’t pick up the trash in your yard? You pick up the “trash” in your life based upon that internal, human dignity you maintain regardless of the opinion of others. Human dignity should not be dependent upon some good fortune out of our control. Human dignity is inherent within each of us, but it is something we are responsible for maintaining. The person with a great job that lies or cheats to gain his income completely lacks dignity. The unemployed man that rises early, cleans his room, shaves and puts on a clean shirt has dignity regardless of the status he has in society. The poorest man can be more dignified than the wealthiest. We are responsible for maintaining our dignity outside of our circumstances. The slave can have more dignity than the master. Be well.

Progress

Yesterday I went through my bookshelves and removed at least 300 books most of which I have never read. I bought a book. I put the book on my shelf. I read the book. I used what I have read to give the impression I know something. I incorporated the author's knowledge into the way I live my life.

Unfortunately, I have usually stopped at the buying and putting on my shelf. On some level, I had to pick out the book and develop an idea around what it would offer me or, sometimes, how it would complete a collection of books around a particular topic.

Epictetus asks an athlete to show his progress and the athlete shows Epictetus his weights rather than his shoulders. In the same way, I was presenting my books as evidence of my progress rather than showing my actions. Don't show me the row of philosophy books on your shelves, show me how you live your life. If I could roll back time, I would have a single shelf with a few books I have read a dozen times rather than a thousand books most of which I have never read. Show me your muscles not your weights. Show me your life, not your books.

Progress is often made visible by what we don't do as much as by what we do. Every day is an opportunity to guide your actions towards freedom. We can be free of the desire to be special and come to the realization that being good is enough. Be strong.