If then I identify myself with my will, then and only then shall I be a friend and son and father in the true sense. For this will be my interest--to guard my character for good faith, honor, forbearance, self-control, and service to others, to maintain my relations with others. But if I separate myself from what is noble, then Epicurus' statement is confirmed, which declares that 'there is no such thing as the noble or at best it is but the creature of opinion.'
Discourses of Epictetus
Book II, Chapter XXII
If we put our interests in anything outside of our own will, it becomes difficult to be an honorable person. Epictetus, in reading the full chapter from which the above quote came, speaks of life and death circumstances that reveal a person's character. There is the son that strikes down the father to become king or the child imagining a parent's death so they can gain their fortune. In our daily lives we are, I suspect, faced with less significant choices that draw from the same desire to get something. We take credit for a piece of work we didn't do so we can gain an advantage with the boss. There is the relative that pushes their advantage in the dividing of an estate based upon a technicality rather than on doing the obviously right thing. Or it could be as simple as the person that takes the extra slice of pizza knowing they have already had their share. If we put our desire on filling our belly, seeking greater wealth or esteem from others, we will set our honor, dignity, integrity aside to gain that thing that holds our interest. If we see that our most valuable thing is our will and our judgement we will do the right thing and be capable of being a true friend, coworker, partner, and parent.
I love the quote, which I can't attribute right now: when in doubt, do what's right. When confronted with a choice between two courses of action related to our relations with others, we know the right thing to do. Start doing it and you will strengthen that muscle that knows right from wrong. This plays out in the most subtle things as well as the grand. Is there an opportunity to be generous? Take it. Is there an opportunity to be truthful? Take it. Is there an opportunity to be honorable? Take it. Be well.
I think the saying goes like this: "When in doubt do the right thing. The rest of the time do whatever you think you can get away with!"
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